Gone Too Soon

While I had planned for my first post of the year to be filled with updates of my so-called vacation (yes the trampoline lost its gloss very quickly and I barely hear it anymore), how I did do some knitting, how I spent alot of time amazed at how verbal my monkeys have become. Not to mention finally being able to reply to a serious backlog of emails. All that changed yesterday.  It is with a heavy heart that I now report the unexpected death of my beloved Baron.

Sunday morning I noticed that he seemed a bit less energetic, a little less than enthusiastic about the delish canned food that I had opened for the feline trio, and that his spectacular coat didn't look as glamorous as it normally does.  While not gross, it was kinda clumpy in sections.  I spent Sunday keeping an eye on him, keeping him near me in his normal place on the couch.  It was then that I noticed he'd lost some weight.  Over the course of the day, I managed to get him to eat a little cat food, some tuna, some yogurt, but not very much so I repeated frequently.  (I've previously lost a cat to hepatic lipidosis -- a horrible disease usually in very overweight cats that they wind up stop eating and fat builds up in their livers, leads to a pretty swift decline.)  I didn't want him to go without food so I kept at it.  Earl curled up on the couch with Baron after the twins went to bed and I found the pair still together Monday morning.  Unfortunately, Baron had become far more lethargic and I called the vet and had him there ASAP.  A quick weigh in revealed he'd dropped from 8lbs in August to 6lbs 4.5oz.  Not huge numbers, but for a little guy like him, that's awfully big, sudden weight loss.  He was a bit jaundiced, very lethargic and just lay upon the doctor's scale without moving much, and breathing pretty shallowly.  The vet took him in on outpatient status for x-rays of his chest, full feline virus blood work panels, subq fluids and an appetite stimulant.  I was to return between 3 and 5 to pick him up and get the initial results.  Sadly, at 3:15pm, while I was on my way to the vet's office, I got a terrible call on my cell phone.  Baron had just passed.  All test results point at FIP - feline infectious peritonitis - as the underlying cause of death.  The diagnosis has stopped me from kicking myself for not seeing anything earlier, not getting him to the vet earlier.  I try and think back to see if there were other signs that I just ignored, that I should have picked up on.  I do thank him for sparing me from having to make that tough decision. 

I miss the little guy.  So does Earl Grey.  Markedly so.   Baron was acquired as a companion kitty for him after Casanova's death last February.   After a mourning period for all of us, we'll be getting another kitten to hopefully be a companion for Earl and tolerant, nay friendly to the twins.  I don't know whether I want another Birman.  They are gorgeous wonderful creatures and the breeder has put me at the top of the wait list with an offer for a replacement at 1/2 price, but I just don't know, the Birmans seem to have a higher sensitivity to FIP.  Yes, lightning could strike twice. 

I haven't told the twins yet.  I've been doing some research on how to explain the loss of a pet to a young child.  From what I've found, the best approach is to be honest with them without using euphemisms.  None of the "he went to sleep" stuff as they'll never go to sleep willingly again.  I'm seriously open to any and all suggestions on how to break the loss of a beloved buddy to a 2 year old.

Its just all so unfair.  He was all of 14 months old.  Still a baby in my book.  He was the friendliest little guy, as recent house-guests (Chris, Elaine and Nancy) could probably attest.  He seemed to love everyone equally, sharing time with the kids, me and Earl.  He'd often have to be rousted from Kat's bed so she could go to sleep and one of the reasons their door is closed when they are asleep was because Baron would climb in with Kat and wake her.  I'm going to miss this gorgeous and sweet little goof. 

Pennyrock's Baron Belgareth
Born:  10/31/04
Died:  1/02/06
A bright star that burned out too fast.  Thank you for gracing our lives for the short time that you did.  You're going to be missed.

Comments

[Donna]

I am so sorry to read about Baron. He was a beautiful cat. For me it has always been easier to tell my girls the truth about death and not try to make up some story about going away to visit "grandma" or some other silly something. The twins may or may not ask questions. They may just take it in stride and move on. Take care of yourself - a pet lost can affect "mom" also.

[Kirsten]

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your Baron. He was a beautiful cat. We recently lost our old lady kitty and have a 3 year old at home. We told him that Jez died and that the vet helped her go to heaven. And she can't be with us anymore. He has only asked for her a couple of times - he doesn't understand that she is gone for good. We also avoided using the terms "put to sleep", old, tired and sick. Maybe we didn't explain enough but I also didn't want to scare him. If you want to talk more drop me a line. Take good care.

[nicole]

Risa, I am sorry to hear about your little kittie. What a blow to lose a cat so young. I hope all goes well in explaining it to the twins. I wish I had some advice to offer. Take care of yourself.

[margene]

Pets become a part of the family and are a huge loss to us. May you and the twins find peace.

[Laurie]

I'm sorry you lost Baron. How about a "memorial" service with the twins, as a way to express your grief, and celebrate his all too brief life?

[Katy]

I'm so so sorry.
We lost our beloved Emma kitty in January 2003. My first daughter had just turned two. Honestly, they don't "get it" much at that age, so we just told her that Emma got old and sick and that she died at the kitty hospital, and that she wasn't coming home again. And we talked about being sad. For months (a year!) after that she would go up to strangers and announce, in a bright and chipper voice, "I had a kitty! But she died!" Now, three years later, she still mentions Emma frequently, although she has a slightly more complicated understanding of death.
One book I highly recommend for kids is Judith Viorst's "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney". It's a little old for the twins, but it will make YOU cry (in a good way), and it's a good one to have on hand for future losses.

[Chris]

Oh, Risa, I'm so sorry! Baron was indeed a lovely, charming fella. I thoroughly enjoyed the midnight madness I had with him. How terribly unfair for you to lose him already. Hugs to you!

[Carole]

Oh,Risa. A huge hug on the loss of Baron. I'm so sad for you and the twins. I think Laurie's idea is a good one and, really, you have an opportunity to teach the kids and prepare them for other losses they will face in life.

[Erin]

I am so sorry to hear about Baron, that is just terrible. I've lost cats when they're still rather young (3yrs), but only months old is such a shock. I wish you the best in finding another companion for you and your other cat. And good luck with telling the twins, it is hard for them to understand at that age, but definitely be as honest as you can.

[Sara]

I'm so sorry Risa. He was a beautiful kitty. I lost one cat to hepatic lipidosis too, and have another kitty who survived it (he's the 2K kitty because of it...and we're very lucky). FIP is pretty tragic. Re the twins - it's not a one-time deal, telling them. It'll come up over and over - and you'll just keep changing the way you talk about it to match their developmental stages. There are books for young kids about life cycles. Even a book about seeds to plants to dried flowers. Definitely stick with your gut and steer away from the sleep concept grin. Hannah still occasionally talks about her hamster who died when she was about 2 and a half...

Hugs -

[Cassie]

Oh, I'm so sorry. Losing a pet is never easy, and explaining it to others .... I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, but I don't. Please don't beat yourself up with guilt over it.

[Linda]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Baron. My little dog Sheila is my first pet. She is 5 years old now and I can't imagine life without her. You and your twins will be in my thoughts.

[Elaine]

Again, I'm so sorry about Baron. He certainly was a gentleman. Even my hubby loved those blue eyes and he only saw pictures. Telling children about death is much like telling them about babies. Be honest and tell them what they want to know and no more. Even young children can understand so much but they dont' really want every gory detail. I think the best approach I've ever seen in action is to give them to most basic details like "Baron was sick...it was not a sickness the doctor can fix and he died." and then answer their questions. They'll ask what they need to know and can take in and often the questions will seem to be out of left field. They learn that everyone gets sick, that some sickness can be fixed and some cant, they learn that everything dies and that death is final but memories are eternal, they learn that they can trust you to tell them what is going on. They might ask about people that die, it's a good time to learn about ceremonies we use to help us deal with death..or you may hear nothing about it for a long time and then... Sara is right, it will come up again and again as they grasp more info about it, but that's learning. Someday when they have to deal with a bigger hurt, learning to handle a smaller one will have given them tools to work with. That's mothering; teaching them to face life with grace. That's what Mother's do. Remember, if it was easy, anyone (read men) could do it. ;)

oh gosh only 2 years old? Yes I agree, I would not get another one, probably not from the same breeder to be honest, even if it was a fluke it exists in those lines.

My dog us dying, he is 11 and my mother is struggling. She doesn't know if she should put him to sleep or let him keep going. He is basically starving to death, but 2 days ago was still chasing squirels. Each day is slighly worse but the vet is amazed he is as active as he has been.

He started loosing wait and after a month or two of going back and forth to the vet, they finally did an xray and discovered his liver was full of cancer. Everything about the way he is sick is odd so the vet has said.

I PRAY he goes in his sleep, for his peave and for my mothers.

[--Deb]

Again, Risa, I am SO sorry. I only got to meet Baron once, but he was such a sweet and friendly cat. That's just far too young for such a nice little fellow.

[Lizzy B]

Risa, I am so sorry to read of the loss of your beloved Baron. My heart grieves with you. While I do not comment often, I wanted you to know you and your family are in my heart and prayers.

I agree that you should tell your children the truth about Baron without euphimism. I am grateful for my parents having done that when I was a child.

May Peace and warm memories of Baron surround you.

[Lola]

First of all, I'm so sorry about the loss of your pet. It's always sad when this happens.

About telling your kids - stay with the truth and don't use phrases such as "going to sleep". It's unfortunate that they will experience death this young, but I believe that kids need to understand that it's sad that people and pets die, and that it's okay to mourn, and that they know that their loved ones, human or animate, will always be with them in spirit.

[Lisa]

I'm so sorry about your cat. It's hard telling the kids, but I agree about being as honest as possible. And having a little ceremony sounds like a good idea. When my father-in-law passed away, some idiot told my 3 year old daughter that he was "sleeping". I was so pissed - thank goodness it didn't really register with her.

[Maryellen]

Risa: I'm so sorry about your cat. I rember how excited you were to get him. I lost a kitten to Fip in 7 days time. there is nothing you or anyone can do with that disease. I think the twins will be less upset then you think. Tell them he's passed and talk about him positively. that's what I've done with my kids when we've had animals pass. it's been a bad year for animals here and the girls have not seemed depressed at all. Although we did have to have a funeral for the hamester.

[JessaLu]

I am so sorry, Risa. I think being honest with the kids and doing a ceremony of some kind is a good idea. Teaching them how to say goodbye...which isn't an easy lesson to teach. My thoughts are with you and your family today.

[mamacate]

I'm so, so sorry my dear. Hugs.

We lost Sheba when H&E were about the same age. It was expected (drawn-out, in fact, unfortunately, as we had to decide when to make the final call), so a bit different, and we were able to prepare them for it, but we just talked about how animals die, but they live a long time first. Sheba had lived a long time, a long time before they were born, and she was old and her body didn't work anymore, so she died. She won't be coming back, and it makes us sad, but we know that she had a wonderful life with us and she knows that we loved her. Then, when they ask if you and they and everyone else is going to die, say yes, but not for a long, long time, and go back to talking about the death that is currently an issue. I was worried they'd get scared that they'd die or we'd die, and they didn't go there at all. The thing that was hard is that my little research scientist, Henry, would do a lot of probing to see how I'd react for weeks afterwards--he would say "I miss Sheba. Sheba died. She's not coming back. Do you miss Sheba?" and variations over and over again and there was one time, maybe a week or so after it happened, that I just broke down. I just told him, "I'm sad right now because I miss Sheba, but I'll be better soon." But it's likely that they're react more to YOUR reaction than to the actual death, if that makes sense. They're so in the moment. I found the section on handling death and crises in "Becoming The Parent You Want To Be" the best and most practical advice.

I'll be thinking of you and everyone in your house. Much love.

[christine]

Cyber hugs........I know how hard it is to lose a beloved pet..........

[Kim]

Risa, I am so so sorry to read of Baron's passing. Even though it will be hard for the children to hear of his death, they will probably surprise you. As a mom of 5 and a dog breeder, we have had more than a few brushes with difficult pet deaths. I do believe in my heart that it has helped to prepare my children for some of the difficult things that they will have to deal with as adults someday.

Hugs to you and the kids.

[Norma]

Oh. So sad.

[Kristen]

I am so sorry! I have always loved the pictures of him - particuarly when he inspects your yarn and projects.

I know the twins might be a bit too young for a picture book but "The Tenth Good Thing About Barney" (Judith Voirst) is a great story for little ones.

I'm keeping a good thought for you and Earl and hope that another kid-friendly kitten appears when you're all ready.